Relationship Problems

I feel so hurt and upset, last year my best friend stopped talking to me just like that and took my other two friends away from me as well, I think it was because I had a boyfriend but they all had boyfriends so I couldn't see the problem and for some reason I cant let it go and forget about it, I don't want anything more to do with her because she wasn't a true friend anyway. I just need to stop feeling this guilt like it was my fault but I didn't do anything.
(Female 16-19 years)

It is always difficult when friends fall out, but clearly she wasn't that good a friend, or else she would have tried to resolve what ever the problem was with you.  You don't say whether you have spoken to your other two friends about it and whether they can shed any light on the issue.  In any case, a year is a long time and you have to stop beating yourself up about it and move on.  We all talk to ourselves, but stupidly we often talk to ourselves in a negative rather than a positive way.  Try and keep telling yourself that it is their loss, not yours, you could do nothing about it.  Instead use your energy to look forward and make a new circle of friends.  You are clearly a sensitive and caring person and are worth more than they have to offer.  Good luck.

Sorry to bother but I have a burning question that demands a response ASAP I think I'm in love with an older woman.  She's not exactly a looker but the way she treats me is just heavenly. I'm scared by how much I want to be with her.

(Male: 16 - 19 Years)

You do not say how much older this woman is.  It is not uncommon for lads to become infatuated with an older women.  Part of the problem is that if this women is really nice and kind to you it is easy to misread the signals and interpret that kindness as reciprocated love.  However if she as kind as you suggest, try talking to her about how you feel, although don't come on too heavy to start with.  The danger for you is that if she doe's not feel the same way she will rightly back off.  If this happens try not to feel rejected, so often people fall in love with someone who is unattainable.  If she is not interested learn from it and try to move on.

I've been going out with my boyfriend for just over a year now and we've only had two arguments and seam pretty strong. But I've been thinking recently if he actually likes me or if he's just using me, my reasons for this is because, he's NEVER invited me anywhere and is always clubbing mostly every night and getting drunk with his single friends, which I think is odd. We only ever go around each others houses, I've tried suggesting doing things but they never happen. I just came back from holiday a week ago and went around his house, and looked through his phone just out of random and there were messages from a girl he used to get with, before I even got the chance to read them he took the phone out of my hand and deleted them in a sly way. He acts as if he loves me when I'm with him, its just the fact I don't know whether to think he's cheating or not, he's clubbing with single friends all the time and I've never been invited, I'm scared to ask him about things because I know he will turn it around and blame me. I rarely go out as I've drifted apart from my friends and he knows it, so I would think he would try more to get me involved in things, but I don't want to sound needy to ask if I can go out with him somewhere. Please help me, do you think he's cheating? I'd be so lonely without him.

(Female: 16-19 years)

It would appear that your relationship is all based on his terms and reading between the lines you do not trust him either.  He sounds very selfish, never suggesting you go anywhere other than each others houses.  How about finding something that you want to do, which is on a particular date, like going to the cinema, or a concert and ask him directly to go with you and see what he says.  You are right to take a step back and think about where the relationship is going. You cannot go on letting him treat you this way, you are worth more than that.   Part of the problem is that you seem to have built your social life around this lad, whereas he appears to do what he wants when he wants.  Get back in touch with your friends and get involved with them, we are sure they will welcome you back.  Having a wider circle of friends will help give you the strength to finish with this lad if it comes to that.  

I like this lad, he's in the year below me and I'm leaving school in a few weeks but I don't know if I should tell him that I like him.  My best friend said that she thinks he likes me and when we are out side he always comes up and will start talking to me and sometimes he flirts with me.  I don't really know if I should tell him because I think he may have a girlfriend the thing is I really like him. HELP!!!!!
(Female: 16 Years)

You need to find out if this lad has already got a girlfriend.  If he hasn't then you should take a chance and go for it.  You appear to be really keen on this boy and if he likes you, you would be missing out on an opportunity to get with someone, where you both feel the same about each other.  I think you need to pluck up the courage to ask him out and if you can't do that, at least get his mobile number or email so that you can contact him after you leave school.   If he has already got a girlfriend all you can do is let him know that you really like him, but tell him you are not prepared to share him as that would be unfair to you or his current girlfriend - then the ball is in his court.  Good luck. 

I have this friend yeah and I really like them, only thing is, it's a guy. I'm not sure I've discovered my sexual orientation as yet because I like girls too. I've just came out of a relationship with a girl, I told her I just didn't know what I want, but really its because I started feeling something for my best friend.  I don't know what to do!!  Please help.
Male: 16 - 19 Years

You are at an age where many young people are working through the way they feel about sex and their sexual orientation.  You don't say whether you have talked to your best friend about your feelings for him and whether he feels the same way.  This is a tricky issue and you will need to approach it with care, because if he is straight he may be surprised by your feelings and there could be a danger that you could lose him as a best friend, however you know him best and I am sure will know the best thing to do.  You also do not state whether it's just your best friend you really like or whether you like other guys too.  I should say at this stage you do need to think carefully about who you tell about your feelings, as many young people your age are not as mature as you obviously are.  Whatever works out, it's OK, all of us are unique, some people will be gay, others straight and other will be bi-sexual, and there is no hurry to make your mind up.  Try looking at this website aimed at helping young people in your situation.  Good luck.

 

I have a problem with my ex. see the thing is in the past year I've had 3 boys in my life: my ex; this guy who I didn't go out with but I fancied him so bad it felt like he was perfect for me; and my exes best friend.  My ex was first so I'll say about him first.   We were very close for about a year before we went out.  Our relationship wasn't perfect but all my friends told me they could tell he loved me a lot.  In the end he dumped me and we didn't speak for months.  We are friends now and he's confessed he still likes me before and I definitely still like him.  I'm finding any excuse to text him and I don't know what to do. The next guy was a major crush, I had a little crush on him before but got over it quickly.  This time was different though we had a major bond.  Our friendship was practically unbreakable. but after reading some of the other advice given to him it looks like I was just a "friend with benefits" we didn't have sex but it came very close to that on a number of occasions, he used to tell me he loved me but that stopped immediately when he started fancying this other girl he's stopped coming out places or calling much but still calls me his best friend.  He's got a girlfriend now and I get jealous, I cant help it and I cant choose between him and my ex.  I cant be close to this guy as a best friend because I cant bare listening to him talk about his girlfriend and we've had arguments over this. Lastly is my ex's best friend, we were good mates and through texts he asks if I want to go out with him; I said yeah but after a few days just by texting him I didn't even see the guy I knew it wasn't right and I felt bad, therefore I ended it.  I guess I'm just really not over my ex but what can I do?  I feel lonely constantly and no one seems to care I've spoken to a friend but I feel like I'm dragging her down... help?
(Female: 16 - 19)

You do make things complicated for yourself don't you?  It would appear to me that the guy you really like is your ex.  The second guy has, by all accounts, found someone else and it must hurt when he wants to talk to you about her - it sounds to me as if he wants the best of all worlds.  I think we can discount your ex's best friend, as you say, he isn't right for you.  You are clearly a very lovely person as, even when you finish with boys or them with you, they all still want to be your friend.  That says a lot.  But there is nothing wrong in being single for a while and making time for yourself and thinking through what you really want.  Maybe its time to make a fresh start.  Good luck.

 

I really really like this guy in my year (like a lot!). We went on a school trip abroad recently and we got on so well there, we were together a lot and I thought he liked me but I totally forgot he has a girlfriend cos he didn't mention her much while we were on holiday. Now we are back and I hardly ever see him and when I do he's with his girlfriend. I've only spoken to him twice since we got back last week. It's really bringing me down!! What can I do?
(Female 16 - 19)

It can be really difficult can't it, when we really like someone and later on you realise that they do not have the same feelings. As you said, you already knew he had a girlfriend when you got close to him, so either her or you were going to get hurt. I think you need to learn from the experience, try to forget him and move on - he is not worth the worry and you are worth more than that.

Why do I distance myself from people? Like right now everyone of my friends is going out apart from me and they did ask me out with them but I didn't want to go but now I feel I'm distancing myself from them.. and even today at school I was distancing myself from a girl who is one of my best friends... I feel miserable.. why am I doing this?
(Female 16 - 19)

Reading between the lines, you seem to be lacking a little bit of self-confidence and self-worth, don't worry about this, we all go through these sorts of feelings from time-to-time. What you must try to do is face it and fight against it and accept the invitations to go out with your friends, they obviously want to be with you. Have you tried talking through your feelings with your parents or a trusted adult like a youth worker, that may help. One other thing you could try is to start an achievement list, this is a list of anything you have done which has made you feel good or made you feel proud, for example exam successes, when you have made a new friend and so on. Keep this list to yourself and add anything to it as and when positive things happen, before very long you will be surprised how long a list you have. Then, when you are feeling a bit low or being tough on yourself you can read the list and remind yourself just how fab you really are.

 

Ok so basically I am feeling quite depressed. I am bisexual and I haven't found someone I have really liked in about a year and a half and then I found this girl I am interested in.  But that can cause a few problems however as she is not ready to admit that she is bisexual or gay but everyone knows she is including herself and I would be ok with waiting until she was ready and just be fine with spending time with her because I find her amazing.  Another problem is my friend who is just coming to terms with her sexuality and at a party they were cuddling in my bed which made me feel so mad and uncomfortable so the next day I asked my friend if she liked her and she said no.  I also told her I no longer liked the girl because I was mad and then my friend admitted to liking her.  Now my friend talks about her 24-7 and it drives me crazy, it actually hurts so much but I feel like I would be betraying her if I ever tried to make a go with it with this girl.  But every time she is not there and I am with this girl when we go out drunk we flirt like crazy and I cant help it, but my friends even told me it wasn't all one way because it seems like the girl is flirting with me as well.  When my friend is out with us I try to stay as far away as possible from this girl but it is so hard it is unbelievable and I told everyone I don't like her anymore but my friend recently saw it and says that it is so unfair how I am letting myself be hurt like this, but to be honest the thought of betraying a friend seems far worse. I told my friend I liked the girl and she kept going on about it but I had enough about talking about it I told her just to go for it... because I would be seen as the bad friend if I did.. but she still continues to talk to me about her and it hurts so bad. I don't know what to do...I think about her a lot and knowing she is hanging about with my friend drives me crazy... should I go ahead with it.. should I stay in silence .. I am so confused about everything.
(Female: 16 - 19)

Reading your email it is quite clear that most of this problem, and the way you are feeling, is because you were not being honest with your friend in the first place, you should have admitted to her about your own feelings for this girl.  I think you have to follow your heart in this instance and tell your friend how you feel about this girl, I am sure your friend will understand.  If you do not, you will just make yourself more and more unhappy and frustrated.  You are clearly a caring  person and that is to your advantage, because you will be able to handle the situation with your friend sensitively.  Good luck.

I like this boy in my year he is really fit but I don't think he even notices me, I don't want to go up to him because I'm scared he will laugh at me. I also haven't told any of my friends about it, I want to, but I just haven't got the guts.  What do I do?
Female: 10 - 12

Life can be really hard at times can't it?  There is no reason why he should laugh at you and you have to stop thinking negatively, he may be pleased you have approached him.  Try and find out his interests so you can talk to him about something he likes, ask him for his mobile number or email address and then spark up a conversation with him through those methods, which you may find easier.  You are going to have to find the courage to speak to him at some point, if you want to go out with him.  Don't tell your friends unless you really trust them, as they may make things more difficult for you if they tell him.  Good luck.

 

My friend found out that I fancy her, and when I asked her out she said that she "likes just being friends".  I accepted that, but since then which was just before Christmas, she hasn't spoken to me on her own accord. I wrote her a couple of notes and the last one I wrote was given to her by my friend as I'm not in her class at school and she read it but her friends took it off her and read it as well.  It just asked why she hadn't been speaking to me.  I'm really worried about what they might think and say because I get embarrassed about this sort of thing.
(Male 16 - 19)

Friendship is always a good basis for a deeper relationship, but unfortunately sometimes the people we choose to ask out don't feel the same way about us.  Clearly your friend liked you as a friend but does not want to go out with you.  I think she is avoiding you as she is probably not sure how to handle the situation and does not want to give you false hopes.  I wouldn't worry about her friends reading the note, they will soon have something else to talk about.   Most people get embarrassed about this sort of thing to start with, but it gets easier to deal with the older you get.  You sound like a caring person and a good catch and you must think that it is her loss, not yours.  Chin up!

 

I have been with my boyfriend 11 months and he lives far away in Cardiff, I hardly see him and when I do see him all he wants is sex what do I say?
(Female 16 - 19)

Reading between the lines you are unhappy with your relationship as it is.  Long distance relationships can be very difficult to sustain and if you hardly see each other it can be like starting all over again each time you meet.  But you should never feel under pressure to have sex, if you do not feel ready then trust your instincts.  If your boyfriend is really nice he won't mind, but you need to talk to him and tell him how you feel.  Good luck.

Well I recently slept with my best friend's brother who has a girlfriend but since then we've been texting and ringing each other all the time and finding every excuse we can to spend some time together however neither my friend or his girlfriend knows about it, he told me he loved me a couple of days ago and i love him to the only problem is the friend and the girlfriend ! what can I do help me please?
(Female 16 - 19)

I would suggest that the first thing you need to do is to find out what your new boyfriend wants - does he want you or his existing girlfriend?  You should tell him that he needs to make up his mind, he can't expect to have you both, that would be unfair on you and his current girlfriend and you are worth more than that.  If it is you he chooses then you must tell your best friend and hopefully she will see how happy you are and be pleased for you.  Good luck.