This guy keeps saying he likes me and says all this stuff but he has a girlfriend and he moved away from her into the UK and lived closer to me but he doesn't wanna break up with his girlfriend what do I do?
(Female: 13 - 15)
Your problem is ringing alarm bells. You state that this guy has moved to the UK to be nearer you, but doesn't want to break up with his girlfriend back home. Not once in your problem have you written how you feel about him. My advice is to steer clear of this guy, he clearly wants the best of both worlds and you are worth more than that. Good luck.
Basically I have this friend called X(w4y removed the name) and he is going out with another girl in my school. They have been together since last November and like get on really well, but when out at night they wouldn't spend much time together but still are the cutest couple. Since I moved to that school I have liked him and we would always end up having random drunken talks when out and like he was always mean to me, but it was more a mean because I like you. But I didn't realise that my best friend was noticing it, so warned me to keep away because his current girlfriend could destroy me if I went near him. So I kept my distance but that didn't make any difference, he would have always some how end up talking to me. Just before his 18th party he was asking me who in the year was I going to get with and I was like nobody and he said I could get with him but I laughed it all off. At his girlfriend's party, she had a huge 18th in her house, it was a class night until I was walking back into the house when he called me off and we went walking! I ended up hooking up with him that night and she still doesn't know. Now he won't talk 2 me at all. I was the one who pulled away saying this can't happen but it doesn't make a difference and now his girlfriend is getting close 2 me which isn't good. Any help on that?
(Female: 16 - 19)
It seems to me that the boy you are talking about wants the best of both worlds - to have a relationship with his girlfriend and also see you. You need to tell him that you do not want to get involved with him until and unless he is free to get involved with you. Otherwise you will end up hurting his current girlfriend and getting hurt yourself. But one note of caution - you must ask yourself, if he can cheat on his girlfriend, what's to say he won't pull the same trick on you. By what you tell me this young man needs to decide what he wants. If he can't make his mind up, then you are best not getting involved at all. Good luck.
My boyfriend has recently passed his driving test and I am scared when I get in the car with him as he goes too fast and shows off to his mates. I really like him and I don't want him to think I am pathetic and lose him, but I am really scared. What can I do? (Female: 17)
You could try telling your boyfriend, at the time, that you feel sick and to slow down. On a more practical note you might like to point out how rapidly the cost of his insurance will fall with each year he goes without a prang. On the other hand it will soar to entirely impractical proportions if an insurance claim is made. If he does not mend his ways then I am not going to mince my words. Experience shows that many young male drivers are renowned for taking risks. You need to tell him that he is not going to take risks with your life – if his driving doesn’t improve then finish your relationship with him – you are worth more.
I have been in a 4 month relationship and want to end it, but if I say it to the face they might not like me at all, but I can’t do it by text, it’s too harsh, help me!!!
(Female: 13 – 15 years)
It’s never easy ending a relationship, but equally if you think it’s not going anywhere or you are unhappy then there is no point in continuing with it. You are obviously a caring person and I am sure you will come over as such when you finish it. I agree with you, ending a relationship by text is a very harsh and an unkind way to do it. You need to pluck up courage, arrange to meet your boyfriend – I’d choose somewhere where there are other people around, but also somewhere where others cannot hear what you are talking about – do you know what I mean, but of course you are one of the best people to know how your boyfriend will react. Explain how you feel and be strong if he tries to persuade you to change your mind. You can never control how he will feel about you after you have told him, but you cannot live your life worrying what ex-boyfriends will think about you. He may be upset, especially if he loves you, but reading between the lines you are a caring person and you will be able to deal with that and he will too given time. Good luck and be strong.
I like this bloke a lot and he said he wanted to go out with me, but I know he has come out of a year relationship and she mucked his head up and I understand that he doesn't want another one at the moment. We are together but I wanna tell him how I feel but I can't, what shall I do?
(Female: 16 - 19)
You obviously care for this lad a lot and he is lucky to have someone so thoughtful and with his best interests at heart. There is always a risk of getting too involved too quickly with someone who has just come out of a long-term relationship - it may end up with your feelings getting hurt. It sounds as if you are being there for him and being a good friend. Take things slowly, being good mates with someone is always a sound basis for a relatiohsip. There is a risk that if you do tell him how you feel, he may think that you are putting pressure on him and walk away. Enjoy your friendship and take things slowly, that's my advice.
I am usually a fairly confident person but when it comes to girls I am the opposite. I have met a girl and really like her. We have been out a few times and I really want to kiss her and stuff but always bottle it at the last moment. If I don’t do something soon she may think I don't fancy her and stop seeing me. Can you offer any help?
(Male: 16)
If this girl has gone out with you a few times she obviously likes you too. She possibly feels a bit shy, and to be honest, I do think most girls expect boys to make the first move. Try for something really tame to begin with, perhaps a slow dance, maybe take her hand in the cinema or if you are walking, or kiss her on the cheek goodnight. If she responds positively take things from there. There is absolutely no harm in not rushing these things but as you say, you want her to know that you like her.
As I say, it sounds as though she likes you too, so be brave and good luck.
I am really good friends with a girl the same age as me and I want to take the relationship further as I really fancy her but am scared of losing her as a friend. This is really eating me up, I can't stop thinking about her. What should I do?
(Male: 15)
Good friends are very precious. If the two of you become an item and split up you may well lose her as a friend. Having said that, friendship is a good basis for a relationship. I think perhaps you should have a chat with her and see how she feels. It is possible that she feels the same way and then the two of you can decide the best way forward. If she doesn't fancy you and sees you only as a friend, I predict difficult times ahead as she has relationships with other people. I definately think a heart to heart is called for.
Good Luck.
I have been going out with my boyfriend for about a month and I really like him. Now he has asked if we can have sex but I don't want to yet, but if I don't I may lose him. What should I do? (Female: 15)
The most important thing in your email, the thing that jumps out of the page is, " but I don't want to yet ".
If you are not ready, then no matter what, it's best to wait. Trust your instincts.
If your boyfriend really is nice he won't mind at all. In fact he may well be secretly relieved. Boys are subject to pressure to be having sex and to admit to not being ready or worried about it, isn't seen as very macho. So, you might well be doing him a favour.
I have just found out that my best friend is moving away. We really
get on well and talk about anything. What am I going to do? (Male: 14)
I am sorry to hear that your friend is moving away, it's sad when we become
separated from people that we are close to.
However, all is not lost! In these times of modern technology you will
still be able to talk to your friend, all be it electronically. If you don’t
have access to email or msm at home pop into a library or The Square café
in Hailsham if you live near there. Or you could write an old fashioned letter and post it.
In the meantime, I'm sure your school runs many after school clubs. Why not
join some? They provide an excellent opportunity to pursue interests and
make new friends at the same time.
I really fancy this boy, he's really fit, but how can I get him to
notice me?
(Female: 16)
Well, if you are feeling really brave go up to him, introduce yourself and
ask him out! If however, you are like most of us and not quite that
confident make a point of smiling at him when you see him. If you do get the
opportunity to talk to him make the most of it. Tell him your name and ask
him his. Try to find out what his interests are, and the kinds of places he
goes. Perhaps you could then "bump into" him out socially somewhere.
Good luck !
